I'm finally again happy and hardly think about him. At least when I think about Pascal I don't miss him and all I feel when I think about him is hate and I want to hit him as hard as I can.
But first this other guy I almost was in relationship. His name is Wolfgang...He turn out to be such a jerk and crazy person. On 16th of september he came to munich for birthday party of his friend and I went there with him. He wanted me to also sleep there and because I also had to study for my exams and there was a lot of people and since I lied in munich, I wanted to come home. At the end he was fighting with the boyfriend of the birthday girl and his brother kicked him out and he was drunk. I was very upset because he blamed me for everything and he drove me home even he was drunk. Afterwards he sended me really mean text messages such as "I don't know what I eversaw in you" and basically at the end he broke up with me. I wasn't sad and I didn't cry....I was only so suprised and dissapointed. I didn't have any contact with him since that and I really don't care about him. I just don't want to see him ever again or talk to him.
My best friend arrived Munich on 22th of september and later that evening Pascal and two friends of him came to my place because I had whole house for me and my best friend alone. Anyways we were suppose to go out but at first we were drinking and dancing at my place. It was so much fun and we were taking a lot of funny picture. Later we drove to some bar(one of his friends didn't drink) and we were drinking there for while and then we drove to Pascals place and drink there some more and playing some games. Pascal was making fun with my best friend(Sarah) and I was kind of tired so I leaned on one of his friend but it didn't matter and Pascal was why interested in Sarah. He was suggesting whole night to have threesome with me and sarah....anyways I went to bathroom and when I came back and opened the door I saw sarah sitting on pascals lap and kissing him. I thought I will die....Suddenly I couldn't breath and I was drunk and so was they but anyways....I change my dress back on and I ran out of his appartment as fast as I could. When I was outside I could take a breath and start to cry. I just ran as fast as I could to train station and crying whole time. I couldn't believe that Sarah did that to me and I've never been so hurt as when I saw them kissing. I cried till I fall into sleep.
Next day evening Sarah finally came home and I was so mad at her. We were fighting but I couldn't hate her or stay angry at her. She was visiting me only for week and I love her like my sister. We talked about everything and she cried and apologized and I forgive her. She was also very drunk and I know if she would have been sober, she would never ever do anything like that to me.
But since that night I don't think about Pascal and I don't want to see him. I realize I deserve so much better and that he isn't that special. I realize that I never meant anything to Pascal and all the things he said to me was probably just lie. For him I was only someone to sleep with . It hurts but I don't care because he lost something very valuable. I don't think that there is another person in this world who loves him and will ever love him as much as I did. I guess part of me will always love him no matter what but now I know I don't want to be in relationship or any contct with him. Maybe one day I can be friends with him. I feel free and happy for a first time since two years. I can meet other guys without compairing them to Pascal or missing him. So I actually called sarah and thanked her. I think I'm finally over him and it makes me so happy.
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