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Quote08.01.2011 19:510 people like thisLike

Hey everyone!!!


So I am in need of some advice!


I met this guy sometime in October. October and November were WONDERFUL. He indicated that I was amazing. I thought he was amazing. We had some awesome times together, etc. However, in December, his schedule DRASTICALLY changed. He ended up having to work two departments at work and his school schedule(which was already a little challenging) moved to include Saturday in it as well.


My issue has been since we're in a new relationship, I have a HIGH need for communication/growth, etc. However, his schedule simply doesn't permit it. Through the month of December, and now moving into the new year, I rarely hear from him during the week(except with a few text messages here and there). I always have to initate it. He does seem to try and carve out time for me on the weekend, but I always feel like I'm being too demanding.


I have been doing some reading on this and the general opinion seems to be, "If he can't find time for you, then he's clearly not interested, move on..." However, I don't feel like this is the case. This guy has been VERY straight forward and I can't think of anything I could have done "wrong" to cool him off so quickly.


The lack of attention definitely started when he had a drastic change in schedule, and when we're together and it is just the two of us, we seem to be fine. However, even then, he is exhausted. As an example, we got together last night and he was pretty quiet, practically asleep after we ate dinner. I honestly wouldn't mind if we did just get together to sleep, but it's challenging considering that he says he doesn't even feel like he has time for himself.


So I really don't think it's a lack of interest. I am just unsure how to deal with it. I don't call or text him a lot and have been trying to give him a lot of space, thinking he'll come to me when he's able to. However, then I get stressed/insecure/etc.


I am not to the point with it that I want to walk away. I really like him and think we have a lot of potential in a relationsihp. I guess I'm wondering if I just need to be patient...


When I say really busy, here is pretty much his schedule:

Monday - Get up at 5, go to personal trainer, work from 6:30-???(Usually 5-6), and up until recently, I have had school

Tuesday - Get up at 5, go to work at 6:30, work until about 4, go to class from 5:30-10:30, go to bed at around 11ish(though he usually ends up falling asleep later than that)

Wed - Get up at 5, go to personal training, go to work at 6:30, work until about 4, go to class from 5:30-10:30, go to bed around 11ish

Thursday - Get up at 5, go to work around 6:30, get off around 5, we have a weekly gaming/dinner session with friends, but this has been switched to Sunday, so this night could theoretically be like Monday night

Friday - Get up at 5, go to work around 6:30, work until ?????

Saturday - Gets up at 7, goes to school from 8-3:30, usually hangs around to do homework, etc.

Sunday - Gets up at 7, goes to play at church in a band, has lunch with his mom(who then recently has had a lot of errands/work type stuff for him to do), and Sunday afternoon has generally believed to be his time, to do whatever he wants with. Now our gaming group is going to be moved to here.


So, I guess I am just unsure what is the "right" thing to do? He graduates in March, but he feels like he already has no free time and no time to do anything pleasurable, and that all the time he DOES have gets spent doing homework. He has one class in particular in this last quarter that is just kicking his butt, and he's maintaing a 4.0, which he let me know at the beginning was an important goal for him. I will say the times I do see him, he just seems utterly exhausted and I just try to help him relax and we talk and just generally chill out. He has canceled dates, but only for really and verifiable reasons, and I know he doesn't see his own friends hardly ever.


So I guess I'm looking for some advice...and perspective...I have been keeping myself busy, hanging out with friends. I have a pretty high stress job as well and it has been expanding as of late, though I'm rarely in the office past 5. I signed up for a pole dancing class and I am converting to Judaism, as well as coming to the end of my own college career(THANK GOD!!!!). So I feel like I have been keeping my life pretty busy, but I am a little unsure of how to proceed. I try to give him a wide bredth and lots of space because I don't want to ever become a burden, but I guess part of me is afraid of fading into the distance. Anyway! Please let me know your thoughts/anything else you can think of. It wuold be greatly appreciated. Given the short time of the relationship, I don't really feel like I can take but so firm a stand on anything, but I really like this guy and would like him to be involved in my life for a long time.


Thanks so much for reading this!

Quote08.01.2011 20:060 people like thisLike

So, basically, you just have to get through the next 3 months and then he'll be more available? That's not too bad. I think that you're doing all of the right things - you're not being too demanding and you're just helping him to relax when you are together.  I mean, he graduates in MARCH, so it sounds as if you just have to hold off for 2.75 months until his schedule frees up.  Then hopefully you can spend evenings together and grow even more close.


To combat your anxiety, you're going to have to keep busy! Go to the gym, read lots of books, volunteer, spend time with friends. I know...you're probably doing all of that already, but do it keeping in mind that you only have to wait a few months!  If things don't change after he graduates, then you'll have to decide whether or not it's worth the anxiety.  But if you really like him and you really believe that he's just busy, WAIT IT OUT!  It may just be worth it.  Smile

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