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He broke up with me but is still calling
Quote13.12.2011 14:020 people like thisLike
 

My boyfriend of nine years broke up with me 2 weeks ago, to be with is girlfriend from 18 years ago. ( Of course I got online and researched first love and realized we were doomed, so I walked away.) I did not call him or contact him for eight days, when on last Thursday he texted me the song "It must of been love but it's over now", and silly me I texted back that I still love him. He then sent me 7 more songs, a few break up songs, a few I am sorry songs, and a couple of love songs. I ignored them. Then on Friday he called me and I talked to him for a little while. During this whole break up he has been obsessed about us remaining best friends, I don't know how many times he has told me that. Saturday he texted me throughout the day telling me he is never going to fall out of love with me. That I will never be out of sight or out of mind. That he isnt looking forward but only behind to make sure I am still there. Then Sunday he texted me 5 more songs, which were all love songs. I texted him back asking if he meant to send them to me and he said yes. I told him I was confused, but he never replied. Yesterday he texted and called me all day long. I didn't answer his calls but I did text him back. Again he was concerned about our friendship, and of course he sent me two more songs, an I miss you one and I am sorry one. Unfortunately I texted him 5 really sappy love songs, of course he didn't reply. Then he texted me last night using the pet name that he had given me, which kind of upset me. Today he has only texted me once. Of course he just sent me the song "Silver Springs" by Fleetwood Mac.

What do I do? I need to move on, but for some reason he won"t let me go, and he broke up with me.

Quote13.12.2011 18:380 people like thisLike
 

So is he actually with this new (old) girlfriend? Are they officially back together? I'd be pretty upset if the guy that I just got back together with was texting his ex girlfriend. It sounds like he is confused and wants to make sure that you're still there for him - and more than likely - he wants you to be there for him if/when things don't work out with his ex.

 

9 years is a long time. Did you guys talk about marriage?

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Quote13.12.2011 21:220 people like thisLike
 

Thank you for your response.

Yes they are together, since she announced it on Facebook, that makes it official.( I have disabled my Facebook in the last couple of days, because it was getting to be an obsession.) He was also dating her about six weeks before he decided to break up with me. Facebook is a wonderful scary thing.

 

Yes we had been engaged since December 2005. The day we broke up I gave him the ring back, which he put on a chain around his neck, saying it will always be close to his heart. I keep wondering if he kept it on there, because that would be kind of awkward with a new girlfriend, and the questions that might arise.

I was the reason we never got married and unfortunately I had gotten complacent, and he said basically the same thing. He said he regretted we never got married, I said we would now be getting a divorce.

 

He texted me a few more songs this afternoon, he said he just can't let go of me. I try not to answer his texts, but I am not sure what I should do next. At this point I almost feel like I broke up with him.

Quote13.12.2011 21:500 people like thisLike
 

That is actually pretty bad - keeping the ring next to his heart, texting you love songs, etc.

 

I think you know what to do.  Ignore it. See if it prompts a bigger response. He needs to know that you aren't his girlfriend right now. And you probably can't ever really be his friend. It's not fair to the new (old) woman and it's not fair to you either.  Plus it's confusing. Plus it's selfish on his part.

 

I wonder when he was with you how long he might have been speaking with her? Do you think this is something he does because he can't be alone? Or he needs extra attention?  Or do you think he'll eventually break off contact?

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Quote14.12.2011 15:500 people like thisLike
 

I think he is a combination of all three, afraid to be alone. needy and selfish.

His and my romance started out under very similar circumstances. He forgot to tell me he was married! I always knew that bad karma was going to come back and kick me in the butt.

How do I stay strong, he has texted and called  me all morning and sent me the song " I will always love you" by Whitney Houston. He has me so confused and hurt, I am not sure he realizes what he is doing to me. I have told him we both need to move on, I need to heal my shattered heart, and he says he is sorry, but will I still be his best friend. I am pretty sure this is just guilt on his end.

Do I tell him I don't appreciate all of this and he should stop contacting me, or do I just stop answering him altogether.

 

Quote15.12.2011 09:120 people like thisLike
 

If you're like me then if you tell him to stop contacting you altogether, you will start  to feel guilty about it & second guess yourself. I say give yourself time and don't say anything at all. Do you have The Breakup Workbook? The whole idea behind it is that it gives you stuff to do while you're trying to get over your ex - so it keeps you busy & keeps you thinking so you're not always typing texts & stuff to him.

 

Also check out the blog from this site breakupadvice.wordpress.com - they are lots of articles in there about avoiding contact with your ex.

Quote22.12.2011 17:500 people like thisLike
 

Thank you for the info about the workbook.

Well I am going to vent because it has been a tumultuous week, since my last time here.

My ex was still calling and texting me,and came to the house last Friday.We talked for awhile, he was asking

for forgiveness, I don't know or care. He did give me a passionate kiss goodbye and told me he loved me. He texted me over

the weekend a couple of times. Then nothing. Unfortunately I got on Facebook on Tuesday and guess what, he is now engaged.

I was beside myself, I called, but he didn't answer. I went to where he was staying, and he was home.I asked him what he did with my ring, and

he said he didn't know.I then told him I knew he was engaged and that he must of given my ring to his new fiance. He said it was no big deal it was still close to his heart even though it was on another woman's finger. I told him if he loved her that much didn't she deserve a ring of her own.

Will I was frustrated with the whole conversation, he could not understand why I was hurt. We talked some more and then started hugging, that lead to kissing that led to having sex. He kept asking what we were doing. I am confused he is confused.He texted me the next morning apologizing for the night before. I have not texted him back. I am so angry I almost want to contact his fiance and tell her the ring was mine and that we had sex. I know I won't but there is still too much confusion.

Quote23.12.2011 10:580 people like thisLike
 
Your post really broke my heart. I cannot believe that your ex fiance has given your ring away, while still sleeping with you and using your for some sort of sick emotional support to help him through this confusion. I don't think you're being fair to yourself by giving him ay sort of part of yourself - whether it's body, mind, soul - he should not have any contact with you whatsoever. He's kind of acting like a sociopath without having any sort of guilt or angst about it.
Yes. Of COURSE I would tell her that she has the ring that he gave you.  Do you have a picture of the ring? You could send it to her via FB or something. I think if you tell her you had sex, she won't believe you, because that's what we do as women, we tend to think the other is lying. But if you start by sending her a note saying that she is wearing YOUR ring, that'll start the initial distrust. Then if a conversation occurs, you can tell her about the sex eventually.
I don't think it's fair to let her marry him without being armed with the knowledge - I mean, woman to woman, we have to watch out for one another. Letting someone marry a man, or be engaged to a man who is actively cheating on her, who has no sense of morals (or guilt) and is actively lying to her, isn't fair. And if you want him back after knowing that he's a complete liar who has no sense of guilt about OBVIOUS social faux pas, then you should look into your own heart and try to figure out why that is attractive to you.
Yes, you love him. But you don't love who he is now. You love who you thought he was. This isn't a good man. He is not a person to marry. You will never be able to trust him, or rely on him. I hope you can see this and I hope you aren't deluding yourself into thinking that he will change if you get back together...I mean, considering that he cheated on you while you were still with him & gave your engagement ring to a woman he was cheating on you with...it's just too much...and kind of evil & heartless.
I hope you realize that he is not a good person. That he won't make a good husband (for anyone). And you would do better to find yourself someone who doesn't make your life so confusing and who doesn't actively hurt you and see nothing wrong with doing so.
Quote25.12.2011 10:490 people like thisLike
 

Hey Adorkableme,

 

How are things going? I agree with Journeywoman - you have really gotten yourself into an incredibly messy situation. You're not only screwing with your own heart/emotions, but now there's a 3rd party involved. What kind of advice would you give a best friend or a little sister in your situation? You went from being the fiance to the "other woman" in a matter of months. He's put you through an emotional wringer. It is no wonder you are incredibly confused. I think the healthiest thing you can do right now is step away. Talk to your friends & family. Maybe saying it out loud to someone else will help you see just how incredibly messed up this is. He is not a man...he's an insecure kid who wants everything & nothing all at the same time. He has no guilt. I am definitely not a fan of your ex fiance - nor should you be.  Take some time. Do The Breakup Workbook. Figure out what's right for you & what makes you happy.

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Quote25.12.2011 10:500 people like thisLike
 

Also, please take the time to post a response to someone else's breakup post. I am sure they would appreciate it - and it may just help you gain some perspective. Take care.

Please read and respond to someone else's post every time you log in! It's a community, afterall
Quote16.01.2012 23:470 people like thisLike
 

Hey Adorkableme. It's really hard letting go of someone you have had for a very long time, but you have to forgive and forget. If you really think your relationship is worth fighting for then a piece of advice: Listen to your brain as much as your heart. Love doesn't really have to be blind where you search for something in a dark and unknown place, it's having someone hold your hand and guide you in that dark and unknown place. Honey, your situation is like the picture I've seen just the other day showing the differences of the opposite sexes after a break-up... That's just how the process is, I think, for men. But, please, don't put your life on hold. Do not, in any circumstances, hold on to what you feel comfortable with or have been known to for so long, it's like addiction-love, where you can't seem to get enough of it but if there comes a time where you get off your cloud of bliss you really realize that sometimes there are things that aren't worth holding onto, thus you go to automatic rehabilitation mode and once you get over it you need reevaluate the situation, don't give into temptation. And if you think that he is the guy worth giving forever a shot with then I suggest you hold on to your high horses, because it my opinion that if a guy is willing to let go almost 9 years of relationship just to stray and betray, then I'd give him the bird and stomp on him like yesterday's newspaper and get on with my life, after all there are many fish in the sea. And if the guy is just worried of your friendship then send hims songs about eternal friendship or something like that blah blah blah. Honestly, dear, don't fall for that kind of hoopla, if he really wants to win you over he should give you some breathing room and when the time comes , face you like a man. Not send you some sappy songs. Sorry for the long word, you'd probably think that I'm riling at you. It's just that I have also experienced being in this situation and I don't want you to fall for the same thing that I did. I've long ago realized that love isn't about holding on to what I really wanted, but also letting go of something that makes me feel good. But at the same time, it is true that you need to lose something in order to really see the true value of what you had. But just to twist this guys feet, give him hell before taking him back, ok?

http://love-stations.com//
Quote16.01.2012 23:500 people like thisLike
 

By the way how old are you?

http://love-stations.com//
Quote17.01.2012 08:340 people like thisLike
 

Hello Lovestations, I am 45 he is 40. Thank you for all your great advice. I have learned since the beginning of this journey that I am not dealing with an ordinary breakup. I am dealing with a man who has reconnected with his first love. Everything I have read about this subject is very disheartening. It is hard to explain, but these couples who reunite, feel an intense urge to be together, nothing else matters to them.  It is like a runaway freight train, it cannot be stopped.

I also got to email the Doctor who is an expert on this phenomenon and she let me know it is not my fault. That he probably has never been fully committed to our relationship,  that he has probably always had one foot out the door. Of course this was devastating to hear , because it never felt that way to me. He always wanted us to have a baby, so that we would have a connection forever. Unfortunately due to my age when we finally did conceive, I miscarried.

The lesson that should be learned by all,  is that you should never ever let your significant other contact an ex from the past. It is a disaster, many lives are ruined and the end result isn't worth the pain that it causes.

Quote17.01.2012 21:240 people like thisLike
 

I'm so sorry to hear that, but the doctor is right. If he really is committed to you he wouldn't have given two cents if he was contacted by an ex who should have stayed in the past, right? AND he should have not wasted 9 years worth of relationship. But I guess losing a baby could do a very fine job of ruining someone. Maybe, in the end, he chose to part with you because of all you lost along with the baby but if the relationship was really meant to be then he should have held your hand against all odds not let go because he can't stand the current that's too strong, and if you fall he should have fallen in with you. I guess you're right about him having his other foot out the door and in that alone in my book is a downer. To say that the situation you are in is disheartening is an understatement, it's downright depressing. But don't worry dear, we've got your back. And besides your ex is probably holding on to what he feels is safe and reminiscent and since he's had the guts to leave you for the past you have just been given a golden chance to look forward to the future. Don't be like him, holding on to what feels familiar. Life is looking for what really brings you joy or jumping off the unknown and now you have been given back your life of freedom you should live it. And if you really can't let go of your ex and you want to go back to him just remember what I've said, think as much as feel. Oh and by the way, when I say live, I MEAN LIVE: Go to parlors, shop sexy clothes, go to the gym, have a surgery, jump off a helicopter, party all you want and have a one night stand or something, meet with your friends and enjoy life to its fullest since it has all it could offer you and more. We are not a box we are an abstract painting filled with color and shapeless. Whether you do this or that, just remember that we're behind you 110%...

 

By the way where you from?

http://love-stations.com//
Quote28.02.2012 04:400 people like thisLike
 

There really are those guys who would still like to act like things are fine and everything is going great when in fact, all forms of feelings have been completely lost and guess who actually took the conscious effort to make it break, it's him.

I also cannot understand those types but there really are evident right within our midst. You just have to step up and make them realize that once they left, there's no turning back. But when you still have feelings for them, that may be harder to line out.

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