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He called 2 days after he dumped me to apologize?!
Quote16.11.2011 15:400 people like thisLike

Hello everyone,

First, I would like to thank anyone who takes the time to read this!  Word or warning, it's kinda long...

So my ex boyfriend dumped me Saturday night and I was completely devastated. He was pretty cold when he did so, and even rolled his eyes at me at some point when I cried. He did not show me much sympathy, did not even hug me goodbye. In fact, he didn't even say goodbye to me and couldn't wait to get me out the door. Why did he dump me? Because I was feeling a little neglected, and, for the first time in the relationship, I really stood up for myself and asked him for some more of his time, or for him to at least call me once in awhile (he's not a phone person, but come on! once a week for 10 mins isn't asking for much). I told him I completely respect his need for time and space to himself, and I was trying so hard to be supportive of his potential move to another state, but that I was feeling just a bit neglected. I wasn't asking for ALL of his time, but I was a little uncomfortable with only seeing him on the weekends. And since I only saw him on weekends, I had to cancel plans with friends several times just so I could see him that week. I was also starting to feel like he wasn't really my boyfriend, but a sugar daddy, paying for my meals if I slept over Friday or Saturday night.

What's strange is we had a pretty good relationship up until that point. We dated for about 6 months. Of course, we had issues here and there, but we always talked about them and moved past them. Last Saturday wasn't the first time I've brought up wanting to see him more, just the time I really drove it home. The other times we've talked about seeing each other more, or at least not acting like it was such an obligation to see me, he promised me that 1) it's not an obligation to see me and he enjoys spending time with me 2) he's sorry he made me feel this way, and 3) he will try his best to change this.

After he dumped me, the only kind thing he said was that I shouldn't think he ended it because I stood up for myself, he just doesn't think it's ever going to get better. Not get any better?!?!?!?! Besides him still being kind of aloof and not really making any moves to see me a a little more often, he mad every other move that indicated he was taking me more seriously. He was the first to ask me to be exclusive and the first to call me his significant other. He asked me to go on a trip to Boston with him the second month we were seeing each other. In the middle of September, he took me to San Diego to meet his other sister and we spent five incredible days together with her. He gives me goo goo eyes, he started stocking my favorite tea in his pantry so I could wake up and have some. He offered me a set of his keys two weeks into the relationship. Recently, after I slept over one night and he had to leave early for work, he left me his keys and trusted me to lock up after I left so I could sleep in. He hated cats when I first met him (ironically at an animal shelter where we both volunteer), but I got him to love them. The way he kisses me, the way he touches me, the way he absolutely spoils me... EVERYTHING pointed to signs that either loved me, or was nearing that point.

He's going through some rough stuff right now and is not really happy with his life. Neither am I, but if he had just told me so I would have backed off!! When I brought up this issue before, he NEVER once said ANYTHING to me. I have asked him several times to be honest and open with me, and that he could tell me anything, anything at all. I asked him if he wanted to talk about something and he always said no.

We have had rough times before, but we were just starting to learn how to handle it when one got angry at the other. There were positive signs, like him actually calling me to talk about a problem instead of hiding like he used to. He was not crazy about PDA when we volunteer at the shelter together, but just last Tuesday he came right up to me and kissed my head and didn't care who saw. So many positive changes....

When he ended it, I asked him how long ago he felt like things wouldn't work out anymore. He responded "two months ago". How can he say that? Things were so painfully obviously getting better... Even if they weren't, why didn't he say something sooner instead of leading me on? If he gave up two months ago, and he no intention of trying to make this work, why did he keep promising me he would try? How could he continue to do all these things that indicated he cared for me and wanted to be with me? Was it all fake then? Why did he have to lie to me, make me cry, and roll his eyes at me?!?! He had several, several, SEVERAL chances to end things if he was so unhappy, yet he never did and just led me on... I'd understand if he just didn't feel that way for me anymore, but there's no way he can look at me the way he did up til Saturday night and not have had feelings for me. And for it to come out so suddenly, when all I was asking for was a phone call here and then...

Anyway, two days later, this past Monday night, I was hanging out with his sister (yes, we are friends), when he called her. I presume he knew I was in contact with her about this all, and wanted to see if she had heard from me, since he never calls her otherwise. She didn't pick up. Half an hour later, he called me. I had deleted his number to avoid drunk dialing, etc., so I wasn't sure who was calling. My friends have weird phone numbers sometimes, so I picked up anyhow. When I heard his voice, my heart completely sank. I asked him what he was doing calling me, and he said "To apologize". The only thing I could say was "I'm sorry, I'm not ready for that yet", and then I hung up...

Why did he call me back? How can he think that an apology is really worth anything at this point? He should have apologized Saturday, when he saw me crying my eyes out. I don't know what to do at this point. I am so furious and hurt and broken, but I still love him so much. Should I even let him apologize? Should I call him back and see what he wants to say? Should I never speak to him again? At this point, all my heart wants is for him to hurt as much as he hurt me (yes, I know this is wrong), but my head is telling me to cool down and do the right thing...

Quote17.11.2011 18:360 people like thisLike

Well, in your last paragraph, it seems that you have a lot of questions that are dying to be answered. I would "let him" apologize and also listen to what he has to say and ask your questions then. It is hard to speak with someone about the hard issues, but it seems that in times before, you guys have been able to have a conversation and work things out. So even though you're hurt, it's probably better to get some closure and not wake up a month from now still wanting the answers to these questions. Try it. Let us know how it goes...and don't forget to answer another post (or even a few!) on this website. It works better if everyone participates.


Take care!

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