It's taking me a while and a lot of heart ache to get over the longest and maybe as it's turning out the most traumatic relationship with a man in my life, but I am getting over him. The problem is getting over it. My behaviour obsessive manner and my temper were definitely factors in the demise of my relationship. He had his flaws which were major which is why the terrible behaviour came up, but that's his business and on him to figure that out. My main concern is learning to temper my temper. Has anyone else had this problem? If so, what have you done to squelch your anger and make sure you don't take it into the next relationship. I have just started dating again, but I'm afraid that my monsters will come out.
[L[Quote]] • 04.03.2011 13:21 • [L[0 points]] •
[L[Quote]] • 07.03.2011 10:47 • [L[0 points]] •
I usually don't date anybody seriously until I feel like my anger is gone. But that doesn't mean that I don't continue to date. I just date until someone makes me feel comfortable enough to try a relationship again. But if you really feel like your temper is a huge issue, have you thought about seeing someone about it?
[L[Quote]] • 07.03.2011 10:52 • [L[0 points]] •
I am seeing a therapist. I'm not going off the handle now, I'm just afraid it'll happen once I start a new relationship. I'm also having a lot of trouble with my obsessing over my ex and whoever he may be dating now. I'm not sure why, but I have this incredible need to know and it's really hard to get the information I'm looking for. And whatever information I do get, I have more questions and it's taking up a lot of my time and I wish I weren't like this. It's been 5 months and I just want to move on and it's hard because I don't really want to date seriously and I don't want my ex either, but I still want to know what he's up to.
[L[Quote]] • 07.03.2011 11:16 • [L[0 points]] •
Your inquiry really spoke to me. I have felt that anger before as well. The first time was with my college boyfriend. He was very loving but a little overbearing. I would lose my temper and fight with him in a blind rage. I left the relationship because regardless of how much we loved eachother and wanted it to work, it just didn't. How did I overcome to anger? I literally moved 3 states away and made a vow to lose the temper( not lose MY temper ;) ). You don't have to move, but it sounds like you want to make that same vow. It's one thing to say you won't do it again, another all together to seek out help in overcoming that behavior. It didn't come easily but whenever I saw red I would take a step back and remind myself that I was a different person now. I wanted people to think of me as a sweetie not a crazy screaming banchee. I didn't date anyone seriously for a while, it helped. Now it takes a lot to get me that angry. I am not saying it doesn't happen, just VERY rarely(and on a MUCH smaller scale). It's pretty kickass that you are taking a personal responsibility for your behavior rather than blaming it on your ex. Good luck! I know you can do it!
[L[Quote]] • 07.03.2011 16:10 • [L[0 points]] •
I think that my ex had problems and he put me through a lot. The things he did to me made it really hard to control my temper. But like I said before, those are his problems. Unlike your boyfriend Anonanon, I don't feel he was very loving, he put me through a lot and I always felt I was not going to be secure in that relationship. What I want to discover or explore is why I continued seeing someone who brought out the worst in me? Maybe I'm most comfortable being angry and blaming someone all them time so I choose the guys that are going to give that to me. I need to get out of my anger comfort zone, and find a way to be happy with myself and then by extension happy with someone else. I know I have it in me to calmly express myself when I'm not feeling well about something and I know I have it in me to express feelings of love and appreciation. I just don't have it in me to do that with someone who continued to dump me and get back with me constantly through out the course of a four year relationship. That sort of unstable foundation was not helping anything I was going through. Like I said, I'm over him, I'm just not over the way I behaved. I wish I would have ended the relationship a lot sooner. There was a point two years ago when I did end it and I felt good only to go back to him when he came to me with a sob story. I wish I would have been strong, but I'm just going to have to do that now.
[L[Quote]] • 18.01.2012 19:13 • [L[0 points]] •
@Mabe: You should try taking anger management classes if you think that your temper is too extreme at times... Also if you think that you could manage it yourself try as the old adage says count to 10 when your mad... If you feel comfortable with your new partner then I think you should tell him of your fears and maybe he'll be the one to help you overcome your temper... Don't worry, it happens to the best of us sometimes when we just can't take the strain all in...