Just to be clear I am single and I want to stay that way, but I don't know why. It's scary to think that my last relationship was just so bad that I can't even imagine being in another relationship. I get crushes or dates and then I just think of where it can all go wrong because it all went horribly wrong the last time. I just don't want to try again, not right now and I'm afraid that I will feel like this in the future and forever. I don't think I can trust any one else or myself in that way again. Relationships are so hard and I don't think I'm ready for anything like that right now and that's understandable, but it's been 7 months and I still feel this way. I just feel like I'm always going to feel this way and it's scary and depressing.
[L[Quote]] • 03.05.2011 13:13 • [L[0 points]] •
[L[Quote]] • 03.05.2011 16:12 • [L[0 points]] •
It is scary to feel that way. I go through spurts and I find that when I'm actually ready to put myself out there, I run into more "healthy" people, yet when I'm sort of on the fence about dating, I tend to meet jerks/people who aren't right for me. It's tough, running a forum like this, helping people through their breakups, etc., to not feel a little jaded at times, but I always try to remember that finding someone to love is not easy - whether I've been in one relationship, or a thousand. I also find that when I do meet someone who I'm interested in, who is also interested in me, dating tends to be more fluid and then I forget all of my baggage and just enjoy being happy.
I think when you're ready and you meet the right person, things will just sort themselves out on their own. At least this is what I believe for myself. Perhaps it's not only you that's getting in the way of dating, but a combination of you and the people you're meeting.
In the meanwhile, try not to think 3 steps in advance and try to just concentrate on the here & now. I know, easier said than done.
Please read and respond to someone else's post every time you log in! It's a community, afterall
[L[Quote]] • 04.05.2011 08:16 • [L[0 points]] •
I think one of the problems of being single is that it´s socially not accepted. I mean you´re single, come on, somethings gotta be wrong with you - right? Some people didn´t get the looks so that might be an excuse why they´re single (but again beauty is in the eye of the beholder), but if you´re decent looking somethings just gotta be wrong with you. It´s like seeing the most beautiful apple but the core is rotten.
You were hurt so much that you´re scared to date again and there´s nothing wrong about that. A boy/girl who once touched a burner will never touch it again because he/she knows how much it hurts. What´s so wrong about taking your time after a break up which hurt too and way longer than a burned finger/hand.
I know I will stay single for a very long time; too deep is the wound he has left to let it heal over night. There´s nothing wrong about being a single, don´t let the thought of having to date someone (or society) push you. Remember we´re all in the same boat!
[L[Quote]] • 31.05.2011 22:50 • [L[0 points]] •
There is nothing wrong with that. It's like that saying about falling off a horse. People are scared to get back on. After a bad relationship, sometimes people need to take a break and focus on themselves. I think once you are comfortable with yourself and find happiness again, you will find yourself wanting another relationship - but it doens't have to be today, tomorrow or even a year from now. Only you can decide when you're ready. I think once you find the right guy, you'll let your walls come down and it will be easier than you think. Keep your head up! And for now, concentrate on YOU!