I hate to do this- even though you can't read it- I still feel horrible thinking and saying these things about you but it's the only way I am going to accept what is REAL as opposed to the fantasy I made up in my head regarding who you are.
I saw the good in you. That was a choice I made. I put the good at the forefront- always. I saw you as brilliant, sexy, fun, funny, good-hearted, empathetic, loving, affectionate, kind, artistic, creative and perfectly perfect. Lucky me to have found such a man. The problem was I was only seeing the dark forest for the good-looking trees
In reality- you LEFT your therapy group that you led. You just stopped showing up because you couldn't handle your depression. You asked me to find you someone to help you- I spent THREE DAYS- HOURS A DAY calling and interviewing therapists for you and you saw her twice and then stopped going. You said you were going to go back to school. You tried ONE TIME to get it all together and you got hung up in the application process due to a mixup with the departments and you STOPPED TRYING! You didn't find your own place like you said you were going to- you're 36 and living with your mom and da! Your car died and instead of being an independent man and calling rent-a-wreck you had me drive you everywhere for almost three weeks. All of this because you always said "I can't afford it". Yet, you were bringing in 800-900 dollars cash a week from the restaurant. You had no rent, no utilities, no grocery bills, you never chipped in here giving me money for anything- what the heck were you blowing it on? You've always been a sober person so I know it wasn't anything immoral- but really? Where was it going?! You basically lived here- ate my food, slept in my bed, I did your laundry- I took care of you. You said thank you maybe twice. I never got flowers, I never got a nice date for all I did for you during that month- NOTHING.
You've left me three times prior to this and I took you back because you PROMISED to me- to my friends- to my family that you wouldn't hurt me again- and I friggin' believed you! I'm an idiot. You stand me up one evening, turn off your phone for three days and when I come to your parents house looking for you- worried and afraid you tell me to leave immediately. You tell me that "I'm not going to get what I want by acting like this". You condascending piece of garbage! Acting like this? Are you kidding me?!?!?!!! What about your behavior?- but no, that doesn't matter. Then the following day you end the relationship in an e-mail. You won't ever speak to me again. I've attempted to contact you to meet just for a day- talk- give each other some peace so I don't have to hate you to get over you- but no. That doesn't suit you at all so you, once again, ignore my request for communication. I put up with things most women wouldn't- I should probably meet these women- they'd be a good influence on me! The point is- you ARE everything that is listed in the first paragraph, however you let FEAR overshadow all of that. Your fear for life turns you into a selfish, dependent, emotionally retarded human being who can't sustain life on his own. You can't stand on your own two feet- and I'm finished pushing your wheel chair. Maybe your second wife will come back and do it for you because I give up. Don't you dare come back to me.
"Love" (your kind of love),